What's In A Name?

 I have spent a lot of time recently looking at Job Adverts. These have changed over the years. As ever one can see the influence of our former colonies. I really think that the phrase HELP WANTED should be kept for more serious circumstances or for stately homes requiring cleaners. More generally I am greatly attracted to jobs with idiosyncratic titles.

 I used to work in the same building as the 'Clerk and Comptroller's Department' in a Borough Council. Lovely word Comptroller. Alas these days local authorities are more likely to have a’ Director of Place’ than a Comptroller and this is evidence that new job titles are as often as obscure as the ones that have replaced. I miss regular encounters with London Underground’s army of nocturnal Fluffers and I am envious that the Lord Mayor of London employs a ‘Remembrancer’ . Such a post in my household would improve my domestic life considerably.

Not surprisingly our ancient institutions provide some great titles. Universities that appoint Praelectors have a certain kudos and the Late Queen Mother had the services of a ‘Page of the Backstairs’. The Speaker of the House of Commons has a ‘Train Bearer’ (not his/her full time activity I might add) although this could also pass as a description of a regular commuter on services provided by Thameslink Great Northern Railways. I am not entirely sure what ‘Silver Stick in Waiting’ does but I imagine that there is a lot of hanging around required.

Job titles matter of course. They matter to the post holder and they matter to the organisation that employs them. When one knows an organisation it is possible to appreciate the subtleties at play in job descriptors. A glance at the titles of the two most senior members of the Church of England makes clear the pecking order.. The Archbishop of Canterbury is the: The Most Reverend X, by Divine Providence, Lord Archbishop of Canterbury, Primate of All England and Metropolitan. The Archbishop of York is: The Most Reverend X, by Divine Providence, Lord Archbishop of York, Primate of England and Metropolitan. The distinction and the message is clear to see. 

Title inflation is another import from the Americas. Secretaries became Personal Assistants who became Executive Assistants – yes there are differences between them but the differences are sometimes hard to see. In a world where all jobs appear to be held by Managers, Executives or Advisors (I was told recently that to work as a Clerical Officer was demeaning, I advised my correspondent to consider becoming a sewer Flusher for greater professional status), it is a pleasure to see that the Civil Service are maintaining the tradition of arcane employment labeling. Last week the Cabinet Office advertised for a ‘Grade 7 Storyteller’. I do understand that this is an accepted description of an important role within the analytical profession, but I am left with a mental image of a large horseshoe of civil servants sitting cross legged on a carpet in 70 Whitehall, listening closely to the ‘Grade 7 Storyteller’ reading from an outsized book entitled the ‘Tale of Malcolm Tucker and the Omnishambles’. This is probably one of the ‘wide range of benefits’ that civil service adverts always mention. I am rather surprised that Private Eye hasn’t picked up the advert - yet.

This leaves me with the problem of how to describe my own professional status. Unemployed is the most accurate. Other suggestions from those close to me have included  ‘Jobbing Charlatan’, ‘Mediocrity Specialist’ and ‘Grumpy Git’ (although the last might be a more general description). My family are as cruel as they are perceptive.   While I mull this over I will continue to describe myself as a Consultant and Trainer. But if a vacancy appears for a Comptroller, or if Silver Stick gets bored with the waiting I might just be tempted…………………